Made in China
by kim-onka
Summary: / "I mean... isn't Yuu-chan supposed to be Japanese?" / Lavi asks Kanda a question about his origin. Kanda is not happy with the wording. Allen has an attack. Will everyone live? Beware of the CRACK. /


Disclaimer: D. Gray-man is the rightful property of Katsura Hoshino.

Warnings: Spoilers for Kanda's past and CRACK. Beware.

xXxXxXx

* * *

"Ask him… don't ask him… ask him… don't ask him… ask him… don't ask him…"

Lavi was fighting with himself, or rather – his rational mind and self-preserving instinct had joined forces in fighting against his innate curiosity and Bookman strive to knowledge.

"…ask him… don't ask him… Damn it, I'll go ask him!"

The subject of his resolve was within the reach of his sight, so he stood up to approach him; then he once again thought better of it and sat back, and then he spotted Allen.

"Allen! Come here for a moment!"

"What is it, Lavi?"

"I'm going to ask Yuu about something, will you, um, come with me?"

"Can't you ask me here?"

"Not you, idiot, YUU!"

"Ah… ah!" Allen stopped to consider. It sounded a bit risky but he was curious what Lavi wanted to know.

"All right. There he is, let's go."

The redhead wasn't sure if Allen was really the best assist he could have picked, but if the worst came to the worst… no, wait; he couldn't use Allen as a scapegoat… yet… Oh crap, there he was. Lavi ignored the trembling in his knees and smiled.

"Hey, Yuu-chan!"

"What do you want?"

That was Yuu. Straight to the point.

"I was wondering, and I wondered, well, that I'd ask you, because I was really wondering and you know I was kind of curious and it's really nothing bad so I thought I'd ask you because you know I was wondering…"

"What do you want!"

"…um."

"Che." Kanda turned around to leave, but Lavi, desperate to ask once he'd made up his mind to do so – and even had Allen for support –stopped him.

"Yuu-chan, wait!"

"Don't call me by my first name!"

"…you were, um, born in the Asian Branch, weren't you?"

Kanda's eyes narrowed dangerously; he didn't like talking about those things.

"Asia Sixth Institute," he snapped, "so what?"

"Isn't that in China?"

"So what? If you need a geography tutor, that's a wrong address."

"No, I mean… I mean… isn't Yuu-chan supposed to be Japanese?"

"What is your problem about me being Japanese?"

"N-no, t-there's absolutely no problem Yuu-chan, I only find it a tiny little bit _strange_ – wait no, I didn't mean _strange_, more like _interesting_ – that you're Japanese even though you were made in China! ...OH HOLY CRAP." Lavi gasped in late realisation of what he had just said.

He guessed he was doomed.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Meanwhile, next to him Allen was choking with laughter.

"_M-made in China! _Kanda's MADE IN CHINA!"

_You are really a great help, Allen, thank you_, the redhead thought bitterly, watching in horror the fury blooming on the black-haired exorcist's face.

"S-sorry, Yuu-chan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I mean, I meant nothing wrong, there's really nothing wrong in being made – I mean I'm sure you're top quality and everything -" it dawned on Lavi his was only aggravating the situation, so he shut up.

"_Top quality!_" The white-haired boy was bent in half and shaking with uncontrollable spasms of amusement despite being discreetly poked by Lavi's elbow. "That's precious… hahaha… no, really…. Kanda is _made in China_, but he's _top quality_… ah-haha… Was that ponytail a part of the design..? ….hahaaha…"

"SHUT UP, BEANSPROUT!"

Allen was nearly crying. "N-no… I c-can't… _made in China_!" He was catching his breath with difficulty, and it seemed to Lavi soon he wouldn't need the swordsman's help to say farewell to this world.

Thus, he decided to at least try to save himself.

"I'm sorry, Yuu, I honestly – _oh what's so funny you Beansprout!_ – I was only asking – okay, okay, don't tell me if you don't want to, just put this down Yuu-chan okay?"

"ONE MORE WORD AND I'LL KILL YOU, BAKA USAGI!"

Seeing a faint light of hope in the tunnel, Lavi obediently fell silent.

"L-lav-vi…" Allen stuttered out, "y-you traitor!"

The redhead could almost visualize the flames of rage dancing around Kanda when the tip of Mugen moved towards the younger boy, one more second and he'd have the poor child on his conscience when suddenly…

"Hey, what are you three doing here?"

Lenalee looked at the sweating Lavi, agonizing Allen and oh-so-scary Kanda, waiting for anyone to explain.

The first one to regain his voice after the surprise was obviously Lavi, who noticed a chance of salvation.

"We… ah… NOTHING!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, grabbing the white-haired boy's shoulder, "and in fact we have to be GOING, so it was nice to meet you, Lenalee, and oh so nice talking to you, Yuu-chan, SEE YA LATER!" He turned on his heels and escaped, dragging the half-conscious Allen behind him.

"Kanda… What is going on?"

"…Che. Those idiots."

"Don't you 'che' me! What did you do to them?" Lenalee was genuinely concerned.

"What _I _did to them?" Kanda was taken aback for a moment. "…Just forget it."

"Um, okay."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…So, you wanted to see me, didn't you…"

* * *

...what?

Well, isn't that true? xD I was just thinking aloud when talking to my sister (yes, we sometimes do talk in English, A CO), and I accidentally said something like I made Lavi say, and only then realised what I had said... MADE IN CHINA.

Don't kill me...

Please review~!


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